Current location:	Berkley, MI
Current mood:	calm
Current music:	Leatherface - Soundbites

Well, since everyone else has a story to tell...
So, I am currently not living in South Carolina. Plus. I'm not living with my parents. Uber plus. I find myself quite content at the moment and can't wait to get this house with pat. It's SCS, but whatevs. My old house now is without graffiti, and everyone's name is off the wall of the garage. I'm sorry. I took some pictures before removing it and I'll get some of the pictures up and sorry if ur name isn't in it.

And to go back to the beginning of my epic quest as a level 58 loser, it starts with a girl. So I was dating this girl sunny about a couple of months ago, and she was a very sweet girl, no doubt, but for gods name, was the biggest lacker in affection. I don't ask for sex. It's always a positive, but I don't ask for it, but this relationship was exhausting. It took me three months to get to hold this girl's hand because she has never had a relationship, never liked human contact, and the thought of kissing just frightened her. After 4 months, I sneaked a kiss (even if she did want to kill me), and after that she became comfortable with it. After 6 months, we decided to call it quits. She didn't like hanging with my friends and drinking, and spent most of my time with them because I got more positive reinforcement from them than from her.

A day later, I admit this lame crush I had to a girl named Ashley...she's 17. Not really bad, but still bad from what I’ve been told. I believe the half your age plus 7 rule. it's not the best rule to follow, but from what I understand of social standards, it works...until ur really old. So things were good. I got my affection and someone fun that I knew for a while, plus really smart. I hear from multiple friends that she had a thing with cheating on her boyfriends with the same guy over and over again. I discussed this with her and she convinced me over and over again that she wanted to be with me. She liked me...I guess. I let those deadly three words come out after 3 weeks, and it just kind of went downhill from there. It felt right. It was a comfortable moment because I knew her, and I knew her personality for the most part.

I'd like to think that I'm a hard working guy, and that really bugged her. I'd be working 4 to close every night and she had school and curfew and all that lame teen stuff, but I didn't mind. Then everything turns weird. She has a needle fetish, she wants to try every drug on the menu, and she's uber gun slinging NRA red neck esque conservative, and thus, things get interesting because I thought I knew enough about this girl to consider her not on the crazy list, and I wasn't smart enough to back away. So the night of the SCS fireworks, obviously, I had to work. She tells me she's not thrilled, but we'd go see the GP fireworks when I got out of work that Sunday. She tells me she's going with Kenny, the guy she cheats on every guy with. I trusted her for the most part. And also mind you this was my first night out of the GP house and out on my own living with my cousin in Berkley. So I'm excited, and I call her up at closing and she's leaving the fireworks and doesn't say that much. I tell her I'd text her when I got home because driving and texting is lame.

So I get home, and I try to unlock the door. I unlock the bottom lock, but the top is still locked. Thinking the key worked for both locks, I try it. Nothing happens. The front screen door is locked, and I don't have a key. All the windows are locked and no one's home. So...fuck. I lay in my car and think I'm just sleeping there, make my cuz feel jokingly bad about it in the morning, and let it go. I'm lying down in my car texting her and she says, "I have to tell you something, but you have to promise you won't get mad..." uh oh...I think I know where this is going.
"Alright...what is it?"
"I kissed Kenny at the fireworks."
Ouch.
After all this girl said to me, convinced me that there was nothing going on, even to the point where she said she wouldn't date this guy ever again, she still does it. It would hurt less if she was decisive, but she's 17. I don't blame her because I pulled the same bullshit. This all pisses me off, but I just let her go. I hold it all inside and tell her to just do her thing, this is over...I’m done. I couldn't stand being in my car. I needed something better and warmer to lie on. Having the key to my old house, I drive all the way from Berkley to grosse pointe at 5 AM, bawling my eyes out like a little girl with a skid fuckin' knee, listening to "linger" by the Cranberries. I go to the basement, and all that's left is a kitchen table, a desk, and a TV stand. Knowing full well about the massive millipedes in my basement, I said fuck that and slept on the table. I had work at 11 that next morning. I go into work and explain the story and everyone goes "fuck that bitch". Thanks...but that doesn't help.

So a day passes, and I go to Luna, where we both have friends at and both hang out, and there she is...with him. I turn my ass around and walk out that door. I get a text an hour later from her.

"So...everyone hates me now. They said I really fucked up"

Well...no shit.

I get drunk that weekend and texting her all these nasty things. She comes to me with a problem saying that her parents are getting divorced, and all her karma has gone out of whack since she left me for Kenny. Knowing how divorces work, and being drunk and pissed, I reply, "well, think of it this way..."

"...at least you get two Christmases."

To say the least...not amused.

Weeks pass and I just don't have the confidence anymore. My cousin suggests karaoke night at hartfield lanes. I always like karaoke, and plus I needed to get back in the game...not really. But I go out and there are these girls eying me at from their booth, and my cousin notices and says something to me about it. 10 confidence points to the broken soul. So I do my usual tunes..."Come Sail Away" by Styx, "Rock this Town" by The Stray Cats, and i'm happy for the first time in 2 weeks. These girls dig it, and have fun and dance, and the one I was particularly interested in stops me as I walk away from the stand, and she asks, "Hey! Do you know any John Denver?" I replied with the usual "country roads" and she shrieks with joy because apparently, she signed up for the song...and didn't know all the words. It's singer boy to the rescue. I sing the tune with her and we have a blast. I sit at the bar stool next to this girl and her friend's booth. They complement me on my singing, and I'm happy. I have about 7 beers in me, and I'm happy. She asks me how old I am and I give her the straight answer of twenty years old. She asks how I get away with it, and I tell her I just get the drinks and sing and no one asks questions. She smiles at me and asks how old I thought she was. "You look about 23 or so..."
"Aw...well you're real sweet. But I'm really 38...and married."
Then I noticed the ring on her right hand...and on her friends' hands too.
The blows just keep coming.

So I'm in a rut. I find myself drinking captains to go to sleep, I smoked like a fiend, and I really was fine being single...but kind of not, you know? it killed me I had no one to share cutesie moments with, or a cigarette or a beer with, or anyone to spend time with that wasn't someone who just wanted to get drunk and talk star wars...although cool, but really wasn't what I was looking for. So I deal, kept working, kept saving, kept drinking (don't know how I managed that) and was just doing what I believe to be the routine adult thing. My mother during all this kept telling me "well...you should've came down with us." I give her a "fuck you" in a round about manner. Stuff gets a bit better, I got a new guitar (fender jagmaster, which was better than the les paul that was 20 bucks more) and I got some video games to kill some time. In all honesty, with all the material possession, I felt good for a while, but in all honesty, things still sucked.

Kristine, a friend whom I don't believe any of you except for a select few know, tells me there's a friend of hers that's coming down for trixie's open mic. she's cute, sexy, a feminist, she plays guitar, has a kick ass voice, and I base this off a couple of pictures of her and a guitar and a two piece bathing suit, and her at halloween as rosie the riveter...that's her name right? Anyways, so I'm still in "I have no confidence mode." Kristine tells me I'd do well, and she'd like me. So she walks past, and I am in an utter state of fear. She's gorgeous. The pictures didn't lie. She plays guitar quite well, has a strong, womanly voice, hot as hell...and I had a blind sniper's shot with this girl. I choke all night. "Just go talk to her" Psh, hell no. You don't just go up to a girl like that and talk to her. You have to have some sort of slick move around to her. I had no slick tricks. I never have. It's always, "hey cool t-shirt" or "Nice set tonight. You can really wail...SCHWING!" So I sit in fear, keeping my distance waiting in the tall grass for the gazelle. This is it, suck it up...and...my voice cracks like a pre-pubescent boy. "Hi...uh...i'm kristine's friend andrew..." She smiles very warmly and I knew it was the "I don't give a shit, but trying to remain extremely friendly" smile, but I go on.

"so...er...kristine says you like going to lindas...wanna come with us? I live in berkley and could give you the ride to ferndale if you'd like."

"Oh...well..my friends and I are going to hang out. thank you for the invite though."

I say cool and I just leave her be. We go to linda's and everything still sucks for the most part. I'm with a crowd of people who are undeniably miserable, which made me feel miserable, then would laugh at dick jokes. wow...this is what it's come to.

A couple days later, my friend tim tells me about her friend jene`. French. Cool. She's cute too...but ditzy as shit...alright...I'll let that slide. I base the ditziness factor not on things tim told me, but rather the fact she squealed like a cheerleader when I jokingly played "i'm not okay" by MCR. Lame. But she's still nice...nice is good according to jim carey, but I'm a beggar being a chooser...so I guess I'm a dick. We drink at maggies, have a good time, and chill and all that shit. I haven't talked to her really since.

That week shiela, my cousin's girlfriend (mind you, they're a lesbian couple),has a little get together with both hers and my family. we all eat, drink, and are generally merry. sheila tells me to talk to her niece, Courtnee. Apparently she's been playing me up to this girl for weeks now. I knew that this was a bad idea. Family of friends is never the right way to go. you eradicate any friendship/relationship by doing that if you severely fuck up. Plus, playing up and not meeting to expectations really sucks on both parts. so I talk to courtnee, she's a sweet girl, likes music and movies, cute, friendly...I like her okay. We chill out and kick back a few in front of the fire pit. I tell her about my art stuff, and my past couple of weeks. We exchange numbers and she drives home. I didn't think she really liked me. I felt too obnoxious and antsy...and drunk.

A week passes and shiela comes up to me. "so...you haven't texted courtnee...why?"

"I'm too chicken shit, to be honest. I don't think she really liked me."

"Are you kidding? She likes ya'. She's coming down from school this weekend and we'll
all hang out. You liked her, right?"

"Of course, she was really cute and nice..."

"Well...dum dum, do something. Take her out"

The day before she came home, my credit card gets stolen and 200 bucks is out of my bank account. I'm still currently waiting on my new card, plus my claim sheet to get my money back.

So Courtnee calls me. Her friend is bar tending at a pizza place/ martini bar called the living room. I get twenty from my cousin Rachel (which I still owe her) and courtnee and I go to the bar. We go to the bar and bullshit. She sees a friend and starts talking to her and I let them talk. I had a washington apple martini...and I'm drunk after half the glass. Strong as hell and very good tasting: deadly mix. After our stay at the bar, we go to her friend Rachel's house. We get a twelve pack of bud light and sit there. we find that her friend rachel is still at the bar drinking. So we pack up camp and move it to my house.

So at the house, she tells me she’s never seen Empire Records. That is a travesty. I grab the movie and we watch it and drink and talk and joke. Because of the fear of a DUI, she stays the night. Score right? Nah, I remain the gentleman and just offer her my bed and myself the couch. She tells me she’s fine on the couch. I give her one of my own blankets and gave myself the thin one and froze to death because I swear I live with vampire lesbians who love the freezing cold. She didn’t know this, but that’s how it went.

That morning, my cousin wakes up for a softball game that she had at 8. From what she told me, she looks outside and freaks when she sees courtnees car. She runs out of her room…and sees court sleeping on the couch alone. Fun side story to that, not necessary, but eh.

My friend Tim fucks anything with two legs and a vagina that he finds attractive. Go him, but I have some sort of moral code, I guess. I told him this story and he laughs. “Dude, I truly and deeply admire your amount of gentlemanliness, I really do…but at the same time, it really sickens me. That’s such a choice time, and you didn’t do anything?”

This week, I got written up at work. Owner’s a dick and doesn’t know how to run a store. I’m leaving subway soon. Free sandwiches and $8.25 isn’t worth this bullshit. The weekend went by really funnily. My friend Hayley from camp comes down and we partied all weekend. First night she’s here, I have my friends come over and we have a pint of captains, soco, some knock off apple schnapps, and a shit ton of beer. We drink like crazy and courtnee comes over. It’s Maggie, Jeff, Josh, Rob, Courtnee, Nine, Hayley, Rachel, Sheila, and I playing “Preferences”, drinking and having a good time. At around 4, everyone, excluding Hayley, tim, my cousin, Sheila, and courtnee leaves. I wanted courtnee to stay again. She has to go…it’s four in the fucking morning…bummer. Tim comes downstairs when Sheila was saying that Rachel and her weren’t gonna be home tomorrow for the Police show they were going to. Sheila repeats for Tim’s sake and Tim drunkenly jokes, “Cool. Orgies.” Sheila asks for a redo for his reaction. He goes back upstairs, comes back down and Sheila repeats her statement and Tim looks at Courtnee and I and says:

“…are you guys gonna need condoms?”

Courtnee leaves. I feel like a dick and I almost kick Tim in the head.

Saturday morning starts with all of us a bit achy and hung over-y. Hayley looks at me and goes “So what are you planning on wearing today when you me and courtnee go to royal oak? You know what, it doesn’t matter, because you’re dressing up and cleaning up your look. Guaranteed, Courtnee’s dressing up.”

I shape up, shaving my stubble, put on a white and blue plaid shirt and we go and pick up courtnee and behold, she’s wearing this cute dress. Something the two of them obviously planned. So we hit up the same bullshit shops that we always go to in RO: Noir, Incognito… and then we go to a little thai place and talk. We hang at the house and Hayley heads inside. Keep in mind, I haven’t told Courtnee I really like her. I’ve been trying to find a way to and every time seems to equal some sort of failure. We head to the door to sit inside and play some Mario Party 8, and before we hit the door, I ask her, “So…is it true that we’re both too chicken shit to admit that we actually like each other?” She smirks at me.

“Yup.”

I sensed failure.

Courtnee leaves to go see her friend Rachel, and Hayley and myself stay at the house, play wii and drink. Courtnee arrives hours later, stoned, and I was worried she wasn’t coming. I didn’t care she was stoned, I wanted to see her… is that weird? It’s the same crowd as last time, minus nine, josh and rob, add Pat Campbell. We sit around and drink and Sheila and Rachel come home and drink with us. Courtnee decides to stay the night again. Everyone leaves, Hayley goes to bed early, and it’s just Courtnee and myself drinking and I try to figure out what the hell to do. I feel bad when I don’t entertain. So we go upstairs and I get out Edward Scissorhands. She smiles and tells me that’s one of her favorite movies. I’m happy…but drunk and tired. So I sit on the couch and I begin to pass out. Every time my eyes closed she laughs to herself. “I think it’s cute you’re trying so hard to stay up.”
“well, I feel there’s something I haven’t done. I’m in such a constant state of anxiety that something goes undone with my 24 waking hours.”

“Really? Like what?”

“Well, laundry, I still need to do that Beaumont app, and…finally admitting that you’re really cute and I actually really like you but am so afraid of rejection.”

She has this pretty smile. It kind of makes me all melty. I’m trying hard not to fall too fast. She goes to eastern, has a bright future as a math teacher…I’m just a bum that draws comics and hopes to write something really sappily romantic and millions of copies will be sold. But she smiles and lies her head on my shoulder. I lay my head on hers and I fall asleep. I wake up at the end of the movie and I let her have the big couch to sleep on and I sleep on the smaller couch; again, gentlemanliness.
That morning we went to brunch at the BBC, ate, and I drop her off at home.

I can’t stop thinking about how well things are getting. I have some sort of confidence now, I like a pretty and fun girl who knows who Kevin smith is, and she likes me back, I’ve got a new job lined up that isn’t food service and worth more wage wise and worthwhile because I’d be helping people in a sense, and a house in the process of being mine. I want this to be a comic so bad, but sadly, I don’t think anyone could take these times and truly understand them the way I do because I don’t have the artistic ability and confidence to work that right…but I really do want to make that. And when it comes to courtnee, I want to see her next weekend. Call me quickly one minded, but if you met this girl, you’d know. I can’t wait til Friday rolls around. I know this entry was long as fuck, but this is more or less for me and for people who have said they have had some shit go down. So I thought I’d join the pity club. It’s four AM again, and I can’t sleep because it’s odd not doing anything with someone. I find it cute and sad that she didn’t mind me sleeping on her head. But I’m done. Update over. Andrew WK tomorrow with pat, if not for AWK, for the sheer thrill of travel outside Detroit. Someone call me. I’m living in Berkley and I have nothing else going on. Parties are allowed at the house on weekends and we have bon fires going most of the time. You know the code, just stick it in. 608-1981.

And my mother has no faith in me living on my own…pshaw.