Current mood:	crazy
Current music:	The Pillows - Skeleton Liar

start today!
Yesterday you were on my back just to get my time.
I guess it's not as precious as it seems.
Because I found the time for hanging out and talking on the phone.
What should I expect, now that my time is free and you're nowhere to be found.

Next time I'll try, for the first time in my life.
It won't pass me by. Procrastinate it can wait, I put it off.
LET'S START TODAY

My room's a mess and I can't get dressed.
I gotta be out by eight o'clock.
Deep inside I know the answer.
Well there's no time like the present and I'd like to hang out but who doesn't.
I've made enough mistakes for this lifetime.
Now I'm here to make amends.

Next time I'll try, for the first time in my life.
It won't pass me by. Procrastinate it can wait, I put it off.
START!


I need to get my shit together. This is getting a bit too out of hand. I need to pull myself up a little better than I am right now. Right now I have no self esteem, I feel used, and literally unwanted for some reasons unknown. I really need to quit smoking and start working on my comic and get it done so I don't need to reminisce about the past year and focus on what I'm gonna do years from now. I'm sick of being the party patsy. I'm losing track of who's my friend and who's just a guest for the evening.

now talking about florida...

by the way dad, thanks for informing me of my conifdence problem with women. Really helps when a don juan asshole like yourself pulls through for your kid like that. What were you thinking? "bring that photo back home and show your friends what kinda tail ur dad's getting"?

but at the same time, i'm completely at a fork in the road of what women look for. It seems that the women I've really liked have had the crazies or something in between near bi-polar disorder and a meth addiction! And that's when I've been a sensitive guy and being nice. I think I've lost whatever touch I've had in 8th grade. I think it was the fact I'm now a chain smoking comic book geek who aims to get plastered every single weekend. This adds to my next point. The women I wish to see are all about as vain as a man is. "I like it when the bones poke out of my man like an empty bucket of KFC." What the fuck is that? Am I going forking NUTS?! My father informs me that the sole reason for the reaction of my peers in the garage is that, "women at that age just want to have fun." I like having fun. I like fun things! I don't know if I'm pulling off being too strong and blunt or if I'm trying the passive way that apparently works with girls. IF YOU IGNORE THEM, THEY WILL CUM! (or so I am told *thanks paul*) I can't fucking win! I'm fucked up in the head! I'm told I'm the nicest guy in the world at some nights, but does that fill in any sort of void I have as of currently? call me selfish, or a pig, or narcisistic, or whatever, but I hope you know this... I don't want marriage (yet), I don't want a fuck buddy, I don't even want to fall in love. I want someone I can confide in. I feel like travis from fucking "Taxi Driver" I'm gonna have maniac thoughts and want to shoot the governor, adn this time I'll put forth the effort into doing it! I need a female figure to stop this testosterone flare in my head from wanting to do stupid things! I don't want to be a pig I don't want to fuck, I don't want some simple minded person to suck me off for the evening, I DONT WANT TO FALL IN LOVE.












I want someone who will save me and honestly and truly mean to. And hopefully I can return that to that someone.




I want butterflies in my stomach everytime she's near.



I want a girl who's not a friggin nutcase.



this is not a "oh, I need a girlfriend or I'll kill myself" kinda shit. This is me wanting a campanion. I need a lois to my clark, a kagome to my inyuasha, a girl that I can play "In Your Eyes" to and not think I"m being some cliche` asshole just hopin for some poon. someone who will watch anime and read comic books and go to cons with me and dress up and be complete geeks with even if she doesn't like it, but she'll do it for me anyway because she knows that eventually we'll make fun of someone there, and in return I'll go out to dinner with her family and act prim and proper or I'll wear that shirt that she likes even though I fuckin hate it or take her out to dinner at some restaraunt that isn't linda's place because she says she doesn't like the smoke

I'll even give up smoking entirely if she honestly doesn't like it.


this isn't desperation. this is myown personal madness about how I've become so misunderstanding of the female part of our species that I'm just fucked. I'm sorry I'm done.


oh. btw, after the maple's package party, I don't think I'm holding garage sessions for a bit. For real this time. I need some time to get this shit done because if it's not done now, I'll say I'll get it done tomorrow. and the cycle will repeat itself. Thanks for listening to my rant. Good evening.